My Wal-Mart Face

We’ve all heard the saying, “She’d lose her head if it wasn’t attached!” Well, maybe I’ve heard it a little more than others:o)
Anyway, I felt like I’d lost my head, or at least misplaced it, this past weekend. We arrived in KY at midnight and I soon realized that I had forgotten my entire cosmetic bag at the top of the stairs at home. Aesthetically speaking, my whole “head” was in that bag! How could I “face” the world on this very important weekend without my mask? I mean, it was Kristen’s graduation and Mother’s Day. I wanted pictures – and I wanted to be in some of them! How could I do that when all my make-up and hair products, including “special” brushes, were still back in Illinois at the top of the stairs?! My heart sank…I ran smack dab into my vanity and it felt like I’d been hit by a Mack truck.

Bill graciously suggested that we go to Wal-Mart and try to salvage the situation. It wouldn’t be quite the same, but it would at least help me feel better about being “put together” the next day. There are some cosmetics that can be easily replaced, but the Wal-Mart variety just doesn’t cut it across the board. I picked up what I could and felt like I had the basics. They were completely out of round brushes, so I was completely out of luck on that one. Luckily, my friend had a half round brush I was able to borrow the next morning, so my hair wasn’t as bad as it could have been – just a little flatter than usual.

I meet Kristen for breakfast that next morning and as we’re walking back out into the sunshine from Panera, she looks at me strangely and says, “Why are your cheeks so pink?” I looked in the rear view mirror in the car and had to laugh. I looked like a raggedy Ann doll….just a brilliant shade of pink instead of red. When I put my Wal-Mart cream blush on that morning, it had not appeared to be making much of a splash, so I kept adding more. Apparently, it gets brighter as time goes by and sunshine only enhances it! The foundation I had bought was not looking too grand either…it was rather shiny, as well. I was glowing like a nuclear bomb! Now, I’ll have to admit it was rather funny, but at the time I was more than a little disappointed that I wasn’t looking as well as I’d hoped I would for the weekend.

This all got me to thinking about the “masks” we wear and the “image” we portray. I’m merely talking “physical” mask when I talk about the importance we put on our appearance. Take it from someone who attends a co-dependency group in Celebrate Recovery every Friday evening….I care so much about what others think about me and how I look, I forget that the real me is really comprised of what’s on the inside, not the outside. I felt a pang of guilt. I had been anxious for friends and family, who hadn’t seen me in a while, to see how much healthier I was – how much better I “looked” in a size 6 as opposed to a size 12 (okay, I was pushing a 14 more so than leveling out at a 12..LOL!). How vane is that? I was faced with my own imperfections and realized they came largely from my heart….OUCH!

Well, I posted many pictures from the weekend on Face Book, and I’m wearing my Wal-Mart face and hair in all of them. Do I look my best? No, but I’ve realized it’s not really about how I look, but WHO I am. I am a blessed and loved child of God and that qualifies me as beautiful, no matter what my outer appearance is.

I’m also reminded of the spiritual “masks” that we wear. People come to church on the weekends and many are hurting on the inside. You can’t really tell, because they put on a smile and act like everything is fine in their world. Like most of us, they’re only in denial. If not something more intense, most of us can at least search within us and find some level of co-dependency. We are people-pleasers, we put others’ needs in front of our own, we obsess about what others say and think about us….in short, we are bound by our own insecurities and we don’t even realize that we’re “masking” something more complex – discontent in our hearts. It’s a vicious cycle that never seems to end.

We’ve learned in Celebrate Recovery that many “conditions” are merely symptoms with more complex root causes. For instance, one’s hurt or addiction may be what they’re trying to deal with, when those are really just a by-product of something like co-dependency or unforgiveness. If we could all start taking off the masks and finding out what is really causing discontent in our heart, we may just begin to live an authentic life. It means people will see you for who you really are….that the darkness will be exposed…but at least it will lose its power over you.

I’ll admit that appearance is more important to me than it should be….I am a girl after all, and we are sort of conditioned to care about those things. I will continue to take care of the temple that God has given me and I will continue to try to look attractive; especially for my husband, but I hope I can become more and more focused on my inner beauty. The kind of “glow” that comes from inner beauty is one that is refined by God. When I’m refined on the inside, I can’t help but appear beautiful on the outside. You can’t buy that at Wal-Mart!

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, shall be praised.