Everybody has an opinion, including me. But let's admit, some opinions are lame and some are great - it depends on the mindset of one giving their opinions and their audience. That being said, it's Christmas time and a lot of people are expressing opinions and emotions ranging from gun-control to whether or not saying Merry Christmas makes you divisive. None of us will ever agree on everything, but that won't stop us from promoting our own opinions, will it?
Having worked with hospice patients and families for several years in the area of dealing with grief, I do just want to share a few of my thoughts during this critical time of year when emotions and life's challenges always make people a little more melancholy than usual. But this year personal grief and loss is magnified as families grieve a senseless act that left many families without their loved ones - mostly little children - to love and hug this Christmas. Depending on your mindset, you can read on or don't bother. Warning: there is some opinion involved:-)
Dealing with grief is different for everyone and some cases can be more complicated than others. There are still some key things to remember.
We don't always have to come up with the right words - usually there are no right words. What is most important is that you just let someone know that you care about their loss. Tell them you are sorry and that you are there for them. Then....just be there and listen. Your presence and availability is so much more comforting than what you say. What they feel comfortable saying is so much more important. Expressing one's grief is necessary for them to begin a healing process. Keeping their thoughts and emotions inside is not healthy. However, they will share when they are ready. Just give them a safe and inviting environment to do so.
And sometimes we can say the absolute wrong things - steer clear of this. Don't tell someone you know how they feel - we can never know how another person feels in their loss. We can know how we feel or felt in our own losses, and those experiences sometimes are helpful when supporting others, but each person's experiences and feelings and reactions to such are different. Don't presume to know how another person feels. The same rule goes for cliches such as, "they're in a better place" or "everything happens for a reason". While there could be some truth to such statements in some cases, one should never say these things because they are just not things a grieving person needs or wants to hear.
To wrap it up, just "zip it" and "show up". Offer your condolences, listen, love, support and pray for them. Here is where my opinion and my beliefs come into this piece. My opinion is that genuine prayer is the best thing one can do for people who suffer losses and are struggling with grief. Of all the families I've counseled in their grief, it was those who had a hope and faith in God, that weathered the storms most successfully. Yes, they hurt and grieved like everyone else, but they had an outlet for which they could unload their burdens. They cried out to God and asked Him to share their burdens. It may take a lifetime to get over some kinds of pain and loss, but no one has to do it alone. God can carry our burdens and He can carry us. He can also send caring people to come alongside of us and lock arms with us. Even in grief, there is hope. There is hope that we can enjoy life again with the help of God and friends. And there is the hope that a loss only separates us from those we love temporarily. For those that have faith in our LORD, we know that an eternal perspective gets us through a life that is not exempt from pain and hurts, but can still be filled with joy again if we keep our eyes and hearts on Him.
Yes, this is my personal opinion, and all may not agree with it, but I live and will die by it. We all will die somehow, some way, some day. The Hope of the World will always comfort us when we call out to Him as our lives are torn apart with grief. Our Father puts the pieces, and our hearts, back together, one little piece at a time. One day we will smile again, after a loss or a grief. That is a hope we can hang on to. Take it one day at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment